When Frasier Came to Town

August 14, 2010

One otherwise-average Fri­day after­noon my friend Ari­anne called from the Safe­way two streets away. “Kelsey Gram­mer,” the famous actor from Frasier, “is coming!”

I’m not sure if this gives you any sense of how small my home­town is? It’s small enough that some­one famous can be spot­ted well before they pass the “Wel­come to Fort Frances” sign. It’s small enough that, by the time a notable per­son pulls up and actu­ally exits their vehi­cle, say to unas­sum­ingly col­lect a few gro­ceries for their quiet camp­ing get­away, a fer­vent crowd of locals can con­gre­gate, sur­rounded them and then gawk awk­wardly as they go about their business.

In my own defence, that day I thought I should leave him alone. I was cool and 15 years old at the time. No way was I going over there. For­get it. But, just in case, I thought it was only right that I men­tion it to my younger sis­ter Leah. What she did was up to her. And, if she needed me to go along with her, to make sure noth­ing hap­pened to her –well that was just me being a good brother. She did. And I did.

When we arrived, Ari­anne briefed us that Mr Gram­mar had already arrived and was at that very moment “in the veg­etable sec­tion, near the car­rots.” From there we watched him sur­vey the dairy sec­tion. He seemed dis­pleased about some­thing, the milk maybe. He asked my friend Tom Kel­strom, some­thing about the soy beans, but Tom didn’t know.

Respect­ing the man’s per­sonal space, my sis­ter and I, along with a few Safe­way staff mem­bers,  kept our dis­tance. We made sure to duck out of site when­ever Mr Gram­mar shot a peek in our direc­tion.  Above all, we were civ­i­lized enough to avoid eye con­tact at all times.

Some­how the train went off the tracks when he left the store. Some­how, rather than main­tain our safe dis­tance, a group of about 20 of us thought­lessly fol­lowed him and his fel­low campers to their car. We just stood there as he put his brown paper Safe­way bags into the trunk of his car, one after another, just like a nor­mal person.

And then, sud­denly, there was noth­ing else to do. And he couldn’t just leave like that. He knew it and we knew it. So, gen­er­ously, for­giv­ingly he turned to us and smiled at us. And then he looked right at me, stepped for­ward, raised up his hand and said, “Hi, I’m Kelsey.”

This was very unex­pected. “Hi there… I’m.… uh…Tim,” I said.

And then I stared at him some more.

And he smiled at us all again, a big, sparkly, famous-person smile. And then he got into his Mer­cedes, opened a pack of M&M’s and drove off.

Kelsey Gram­mar is quoted as say­ing, “It takes a very strange per­son to enjoy fame, with all the by-products that come with it. It’s not nec­es­sar­ily a thrill.” I can’t help but won­der what he might have been refer­ring to when he said that. I guess we’ll never know.

I always thought fame would be a won­der­ful thing, where every­one treats you nicely. I guess not every­one knows how to han­dle it, not every­one knows how to act nor­mal when there’s some­one famous around. Not every­one grew up in Fort Frances.

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Scott Adams shares his insights into how we use our exter­nal world, our busi­nesses, our walls to help our minds work in cer­tain ways.

I’m fas­ci­nated by the phe­nom­e­non of manip­u­lat­ing our envi­ron­ment to extend our brains… Even a house is a device for stor­ing data.

Every­thing we cre­ate becomes a de facto data stor­age device and brain acces­sory. A wall can be a phys­i­cal stor­age device for land sur­vey data, it can be a reminder of his­tory, and it can be a trig­ger of per­sonal memories.

When you design a flower gar­den, its main pur­pose is to influ­ence people’s minds in a pos­i­tive and peace­ful fash­ion. A flower gar­den is a brain repro­gram­ming tool. It jacks into any human brain that enters its space and repro­grams that brain in a pre­de­ter­mined way. We don’t think of it in those terms, but the process is nonethe­less deliberate.

My wife and I designed our new house as a brain sup­ple­ment, although we never spoke of it in those words. Every ele­ment of the home is designed to repro­gram the brains that enter it to feel relaxed in some of its spaces and inspired in oth­ers. The lan­guage I used at the time of the design was that every space should be an invi­ta­tion…  When guests walk through the house for the first time, we can watch the house change people’s atti­tudes and emo­tions in real time.”

I notice this kind of effect on me every time we visit our friends Jenny and Shawn. They are both artists, so their house is full of orig­i­nal pot­tery and other art of every kind. Every­where there is some­thing con­sid­er­ately con­structed. This always has the effect of mak­ing me feel more set­tled, glued there, as though this par­tic­u­lar moment was par­tic­u­larly spe­cial and nor­mally it is. Also, drink­ing cof­fee out of one of Jenny’s care­fully crafted, hand­made mugs pro­pels me back the ginor­mous house that my dad built in Hal­ibur­ton, Ontario. There, in the base­ment art stu­dio, I would sit with Barb Peel and watch her make beau­ti­ful things out of clay.

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Dan Pink is a mas­ter of cre­ative swip­ing, which is MBA-speak for “he steals other peo­ples’ ideas.” Which isn’t to say he’s not a clever chap. And we cer­tainly guys like him, crafty writ­ers who aren’t put off by research, who weave the lat­est ideas into pithy, punchy, com­pelling nar­ra­tives. Cer­tainly, for every artic­u­late Dan Pink in this world, there are about 100,000 of us Aver­age Joes bang­ing our heads against the wall, utterly dis­mayed that our bosses just don’t get it.

With A Whole New Mind, he made the argu­ment for inno­va­tion and cre­ativ­ity and now again with Drive, he’s com­piled the lat­est insights into moti­va­tion. In both instances, the ideas aren’t new, but you’ll be glad to have it in a pocket-sized, rhetoric-ready, Red Book.

Here’s a video of some of the ideas and then some of the best quotes from the book (fol­lowed by a minor rant from me at the bottom).

Some quotes from Drive

While com­ply­ing can be an effec­tive strat­egy for phys­i­cal sur­vival, it’s a lousy one for per­sonal ful­fil­ment. Liv­ing a sat­is­fy­ing life requires more than sim­ply meet­ing the demands of those in con­trol. Yet in our offices and our class­rooms we have way too much com­pli­ance and way too lit­tle engage­ment. The for­mer might get you through the day, but only the lat­ter will get you through the night” (p.112).

Lakhani and Wolf uncov­ered a wide range of motives [with open-source devel­op­ers], but they found ‘that enjoyment-base intrin­sic moti­va­tion, namely how cre­ative a per­son feels when work­ing on the project, is the strongest and most per­va­sive dri­ver.’ A major­ity of pro­gram­mers, the research dis­cov­ered, reported that they fre­quently reached a state of opti­mal chal­lenge called ‘flow’” (p.23).

If your star­ing point was The­ory X, [McGre­gor] said, your man­age­r­ial tech­niques would inevitably pro­duce lim­ited results or go awry entirely. If you believe in the ‘medi­oc­rity of the masses’, as he put it, then medi­oc­rity became the ceil­ing on what you could achieve” (p. 76).

The ulti­mate free­dom for cre­ative groups is the free­dom to exper­i­ment with new ideas. Some scep­tics insist that inno­va­tion is expen­sive. In the long run inno­va­tion is cheap. Medi­oc­rity is expen­sive – and auton­omy can be the anti­dote” (p.90)

Most impor­tantly [when in a flow state] the rela­tion­ship between what a per­son had to do and what he could do was per­fect. The chal­lenge wasn’t too easy. Nor was it too dif­fi­cult. It was a notch or two beyond his cur­rent abil­i­ties, which stretched the body and mind in a way that made the effort itself the most deli­cious reward.… In flow, peo­ple lived deeply in the moment, and felt so utterly in con­trol, that their sense of time, place, and even self melted away. They were autonomous, of course. But more than that, they were engaged” (p.115).

Flow is “oxy­gen for the soul” (p.127).

Sci­ence shows that the secret to high per­for­mance isn’t our bio­log­i­cal drive or our reward and pun­ish­ment drive, but our third drive – our deep-seated desire to direct our own lives, to extend and expand our own abil­i­ties, and to live a life with pur­pose.” (p.145).

Yet in the face of this evi­dence – and as the world econ­omy demands more non-routine, cre­ative, con­cep­tual abil­i­ties – too many schools are mov­ing in the wrong direc­tion. They’re redou­bling their empha­sis on rou­tines, right answers and stan­dard­iza­tion. And their haul­ing out wag­ons full of if-then rewards – pizza for read­ing books, iPods for show­ing up to class, cash for good test scores. We are brib­ing stu­dents into com­pli­ance rather than chal­leng­ing them into engagement.”*

The Oblig­a­tory Rant

*I’ve actu­ally included this last quote, not because it hits the mark, but because  it couldn’t be more wrong. I’ve worked around the world, in amaz­ing, won­der­ful schools, where there are hardly any rules at all because the kids are so dri­ven. And I’ve worked in bottom-of-the-barrel, strug­gling schools –where you’re more wor­ried about stab­bings than cheat­ing. I’ve worked in Cen­tral Amer­ica, the Mid­dle East, North Amer­ica and Europe and yet some­how I’ve never met these narrow-minded teach­ers who’ve got it all wrong.

So, as some­one who cares deeply about our edu­ca­tion sys­tems, I’m tired of these lines.

Schools are not damp­en­ing your daughter’s inner artist.  And they aren’t pun­ish­ing her for ques­tion­ing the rules.  Today’s teach­ers actu­ally care deeply about kids’ devel­op­ment and their own edu­ca­tional prac­tice. They are activists, debat­ing poli­cies, exper­i­ment­ing, work­ing week­ends, squeez­ing 110% out of always-limited resources.

They know the world your kids are grow­ing up into. They’re in the job because they get it and they’re up for the chal­lenge.

So, please, the next time you hear some­one mak­ing this chal­leng­ing straw-man argu­ment, chal­lenge them back. Ask them to give you a real idea about schools, a new idea and not a fake com­plaint. We all care about schools, but there are no easy answers in this field. So let’s make sure that, as much as pos­si­ble, we’re giv­ing the cause of edu­ca­tion our intel­li­gence and our innovation.

As far as the edu­ca­tion sys­tem is con­cerned, I would say to Mr Pink (and to you too Sir Ken Robin­son), “either get on board, or get out of our way.”

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Today’s post is an arti­cle writ­ten by Gor­don Man­ley, one of my stu­dents at the Inter­na­tional School of Brus­sels. In it he shares his insights into pop cul­ture, moral­ity and the oblig­a­tions of pub­lic life.

I watched Tiger Woods’ apol­ogy the other day, and I have to say I was dumb­struck by one of his com­ments. He offered a pro­found apol­ogy. He said he “let us all down.”

I wasn’t let down.

There seems to be a main­stream con­sen­sus that celebri­ties, or in gen­eral, peo­ple in the pub­lic eye (politi­cians, talk show hosts, promi­nent social fig­ures) have an oblig­a­tion to behave respon­si­bly in their pri­vate lives. It’s as if they took a Hip­po­cratic Oath of sorts to lead an exem­plary life for all of us to fol­low. It’s an atti­tude that dic­tates that if you are famous or well known in gen­eral, you have a vital oblig­a­tion to lead your per­sonal life to the stan­dards that the gen­eral pop­u­lous imposes on you, whether these are reli­gious val­ues, com­mon sense or just a dif­fer­ence in moral beliefs altogether.

There are few greater exam­ples of human arro­gance and self-importance than this phe­nom­e­non. It is sim­ply absurd to think every­one has to abide by your morals and prin­ci­pals. The main­stream media is a per­fect exam­ple of this. Main­stream news, both TV and online medi­ums, are obsessed with the pri­vate lives of celebri­ties. They greatly blow every scan­dal out of pro­por­tion. And they would never pass up on an inside scoop.

But let us return to the orig­i­nal issue here, do peo­ple in the pub­lic eye have a respon­si­bil­ity to behave in a respon­si­ble fash­ion in their pri­vate lives? I whole­heart­edly dis­agree with this state­ment. First and fore­most, where did this oblig­a­tion come from? Is there a law that dic­tates that when you become famous you are oblig­ated to behave your­self in a fash­ion that the pub­lic sees fit? Let me explain why this is absurd from a pure moral stand­point. Firstly, to adhere to the orig­i­nal state­ment one must con­done the impos­ing of one’s believes upon another person.

This is intrin­si­cally wrong, we all live the way we want, we make our choices and we behave the way we want to behave. Yes it is per­fectly accept­able to voice your opin­ion but it can’t be taken much fur­ther than that until it becomes a vio­la­tion of pri­vacy. In my opin­ion, you should only get involved in some­one else’s per­sonal mat­ters if it threat­ens lives and you have exhausted all other possibilities.

I have never been a big fan of author­ity in gen­eral and this atti­tude is a per­fect rep­re­sen­ta­tion of how some peo­ple are so con­vinced that their moral beliefs are the only valid ones that they aggres­sively seek out oth­ers to harass until they accept their beliefs. I see no rea­son why celebri­ties are required to behave them­selves in a respon­si­ble fash­ion, espe­cially when their fame is usu­ally derived from being irre­spon­si­ble in the first place. Elliot Spitzer, Tiger Woods, Lind­say Lohan are all per­fect exam­ples of well known peo­ple who became front line news for weeks because of their scan­dals. It is as if we con­demn their behav­ior while at the same time cel­e­brat­ing it by giv­ing it so much atten­tion. If the peo­ple who think celebri­ties should behave respon­si­bly really want to be con­sis­tent they should stop dra­ma­tiz­ing all of these events or even giv­ing them any atten­tion. Like many other things in our lives, this “oblig­a­tion” that some of us have imposed on the famous came from nowhere. It is prob­a­bly rooted in our arro­gant beliefs that every­one must share my moral guide­lines or be wrong.

How­ever, this touches upon my sec­ond point, why would we want celebri­ties to behave in a respon­si­ble fash­ion? Some would argue they should because if they don’t it sets a bad exam­ple for those who adore those celebri­ties i.e. if Tiger Woods has mul­ti­ple mis­tresses all young golfers who are fans of him are going to engage in extra-marital activ­i­ties to put it lightly. But let’s face it; do they really have that much of an effect? If your child is so sus­cep­ti­ble to change his actions based on the actions of his idol, then he obvi­ously wasn’t raised correctly.

The truth is that most of time it is the fault of the par­ents, who spend more time com­plain­ing about the crazy actions and influ­ence of the celebri­ties and the effect on their chil­dren instead of actu­ally spend­ing time rais­ing their chil­dren. The best way par­ents can com­bat any chance of their child mim­ic­k­ing or some­how emu­lat­ing the “out­ra­geous” behav­ior of said celebrity is raise their child com­pe­tently enough so that they don’t do any­thing so irrational.

I would also argue that peo­ple in the pub­lic eye have no oblig­a­tion at all to live their lives respon­si­bly.  I believe all peo­ple should live their lives as they want to. Who are we to dic­tate what some­one should do in their pri­vate life.  We call it “pri­vate life” for a rea­son. I hon­estly don’t care if they are cheat­ing on their wives or hus­bands. I don’t care if they’re gay, I don’t care if they do drugs. It isn’t our busi­ness, whether they decide that it’s wrong or not is up to them, it is some­thing they must dis­cover. These scan­dals and var­i­ous other events are exag­ger­ated and pro­moted to cre­ate con­tro­versy because con­tro­versy sells. I think if the celebrity of famous per­son con­tin­ues to pro­vide the enter­tain­ment or ser­vice with­out dan­ger or threat, then it really isn’t my place to judge their per­sonal lives. Our soci­ety judges per­sonal lives more severely than any­thing else. Take Bill Clin­ton for exam­ple, the Mon­ica Lewinksy scan­dal got a lot of atten­tion and gen­er­ated a ton of polit­i­cal flak against him that will last until he retires. How­ever, when a pres­i­dent lies about weapons of mass destruc­tion over­seas, sends Amer­i­can troops to fight for the pur­pose of pre­vent­ing an attack and kills thou­sands of inno­cent civil­ians in the process, he doesn’t even get a trial. It shows where Amer­i­cans or the gen­eral pub­lic put their money and focus, they care more about someone’s per­sonal lives, what reli­gion they fol­low, who they marry, what friends they had instead of focus­ing on actual qual­i­fi­ca­tions. For exam­ple if I were to ask Amer­i­cans what leg­is­la­tion pres­i­dent Obama pro­posed and who his rev­erend was at his church, many more Amer­i­cans would know the lat­ter. It is here that soci­ety mis­judges and places empha­sis on the wrong things.

And until soci­ety in gen­eral accepts the fact that per­sonal lives are irrel­e­vant as long as they don’t inter­fere with the func­tion of that per­son and that we are all pecu­liar and human, and then I will con­tinue to argue my posi­tion that we have no right to judge those in the pub­lic eye any­more than we should be judged our­selves. Because we have no right, because we shouldn’t and because it’s use­less. And most of all because it’s prob­a­bly a dis­trac­tion from the real issues going on. Just ask your­self. How many Iraqi civil­ians have died in Iraq since the U.S. inva­sion in 2003? How many mis­tresses did Tiger Woods have?

The above arti­cle, enti­tled “Peo­ple in the pub­lic eye have an oblig­a­tion to behave in a respon­si­ble fash­ion in their pri­vate lives” was orginially deliv­ered as Com­mu­nity Meet­ing speech at the Inter­na­tional School of Brus­sels on Fri­day, April 30th, 2010. Gor­don gra­ciously agreed to let me share it with you.

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My wife and I were recently grounded by ash from Iceland’s infa­mous vol­cano. The name of that beast, Eyjaf­jal­la­jokull (sounds like “AY-yah-fyah-lah-YOH-kuul”  if you’re brave) is much fun­nier than the real­ity of it, I assure you. In our case, what should have been a short 2-hour flight from Helsinki to Brus­sels turned out to be 4 days of pac­ing in a cold air­port and then a 47-hour com­bi­na­tion of fer­ries, buses, taxis, trams and trains.

I men­tion this only so you can under­stand why it is I appre­ci­ate this clip so much: the feel­ing of trav­el­ling, with­out hav­ing to actu­ally leave my din­ing room. Perfect.

If you liked this, you might also enjoy Sin­ga­pore and Back in 5 Min­utes.

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Your secret to a better life

March 23, 2010

A doc­u­men­tary on liv­ing hap­pily recently aired on PBS. A lot of the clips from the show (called This Emo­tional Life) are avail­able on YouTube (here). Here’s an inter­est­ing one on inti­macy: This par­tic­u­lar insight (from Eliz­a­beth Gilbert) was inter­est­ing to me partly because I’m read­ing her book Eat, Pray, Love at the moment. The […]

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How to save the world

March 22, 2010

The new prob­lems of the world require fresh approaches. They require our inge­nu­ity and our care­ful, cre­ative con­sid­er­a­tion. You and I know this, but still most of us don’t often get mean­ing­fully involved. Why is this? I think there is a col­lec­tive feel­ing that these prob­lems are too big for any of us to make […]

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Fail your way to a billion dollars: life lessons from J.K. Rowling

March 17, 2010

Llloyd Jones (who tragically/hilariously failed to grad­u­ate uni­ver­sity because of library fines) once said that ‘’the men who try to do some­thing and fail are infi­nitely bet­ter than those who try to do noth­ing and suc­ceed.’’ We’ve all heard a lot of quotes like this grow­ing up (though rarely from peo­ple who failed to graduate […]

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Your Name

March 14, 2010

Our names short­hand the dis­cov­er­ies we make in life –the way we saw it along the paths we trav­elled. The phrase by which we are called will ring our truth, the shape of a life in gestalt. A word or two or maybe more will pull together the mean­ing that was truest to our hearts. […]

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What teachers know

March 11, 2010

Today’s grad­u­ates face a new breed of chal­lenges as they enter the work­force. They will con­front messier, intractable prob­lems such as cli­mate change, global ter­ror­ism, antibi­otic resis­tant dis­eases and per­sis­tent mar­ket weak­ness. The same tech­nolo­gies that empow­ered them as learn­ers at the same time also mul­ti­plied the poten­tial for global havoc. And this has changed the definition […]

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